DunKing dines downtown: How do you like them tacos?

Diners at Luna’s Mexican Grill on Park Avenue in Swarthmore were surprised to find celebrated actor, producer, and Academy-Award winning screenwriter Matt Damon visiting the restaurant on March 27, 2026.

“I wasn’t sure at first if it was him,” one staff member said. “I’m pretty young to have seen most of his stuff, but my mom has always really loved We Bought a Zoo, so I figured it was him after a quick Google search.”

Luna’s patrons indicated they “played it cool” while Damon dined in the restaurant, snapping casual selfies over their shoulders and not bringing up the 2018 Super Bowl or his recent commercial stardom.

“My husband texted me to say he was there eating lunch,” one Swarthmorean diner explained. “I drove down so fast I think my minivan left skid marks in the roundabout.”

Another tried to play it cool, but let out a “Damon, you the bomb in Phantoms, yo!” No comment from Jay, Silent Bob, and the guy who played Bartleby in Dogma, who were reportedly loitering outside.

As news of Damon’s visit spread through downtown, Lil’ Boutique Nail Salon emptied with both patrons and nail technicians running onto Park Avenue to catch a glimpse of him.

Damon famously attended MIT on a math-adjacent scholarship at the encouragement of his therapist and friend, Sean Maguire, after solving complex equations using the Fibonacci sequence at the school while working a janitorial job. Rather than following the obvious path of fame and fortune in a respectable mathematics career, he dropped out of college to pursue the road less traveled to Hollywood with mixed results. He gained minor fame for his portrayal of Tom Ripley in The Talented Mr. Ripley. He then became less famous for his portrayal of William in The Great Wall.

Never meeting a franchise he didn’t like, Damon went on to play Jason Bourne in The Bourne Identity series, Linus Caldwell in the Ocean’s Trilogy, quasi-Loki in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the “Scotty Doesn’t Know” bandleader in the Euro/Road Trip movies, and Sarah Silverman’s love interest in the ongoing Kimmel-Damon saga. Along the way, he also starred in The Martian, Saving Private Ryan, Syriana, The Departed, The Wallingfordian!, Invictus, True Grit, Contagion, Interstellar, Ford v. Nether, The Last Duel, Air, Air Bud 7: Bud’s Disco Inferno, and small, independent pictures like Oppenheimer.

After his lunch – he had the breakfast Mexican burrito with a Diet Coke – Damon left and joined up with Jay, Silent Bob, and the fourth guy who we understand had a small cameo as Bruce Wayne in the non-Marvel superhero movies of the 2010s.

The gang turned left and headed straight for Dunkin’ at 1 S. Chester Rd., where Damon ordered his usual, a “large regulah.”

Dunkin’ experts and former New Englanders who were consulted confirm that this is a common order, and is Boston for coffee with cream and sugar. The same experts noted that the Dunkin’ logo is “like a bat signal” for New Englanders from Cambridge, including Damon.

Onlookers confirmed that Jay and Silent Bob continued to just loiter out front during Damon’s trip into the Dunkin, giving off “weirder and weirder vibes.”

They also report that the fourth man, apparently the actor who played Ollie Trinke in Kevin Smith’s seminal opus, Jersey Girl, also went in looking for an apple crumb donut, indicating that he intended to smush it against the window and yell, “Applesauce!” to no one in particular.

Damon, who has had recent success in Dunkin’ commercials with star-studded casts, including Jason Alexander, Jennifer Aniston, Ted Danson, Jaleel White, Matt LeBlanc, and Jennifer Lopez, along with ordinary Bostonians like his childhood best friend, went unnoticed by the Dunkin’ staff, although a number of customers stopped him for a photo. The Tom Brady-lovers got to flash the Gold Dunkin’ For Life Card for free regulahs and then departed for a Swarthmore College tour.

Damon, who can next be seen playing “Greek Soldier #3” in Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey with Anne Hathaway, was reportedly struck by how cool the community played it during their celebrity encounters.

Regrettably, Damon and his child just missed the last campus tour, and the Admissions Office had to tell them, “Apologies, Mr. Damon, we ran out of time.”